Thursday, September 27, 2007

Getting misty-eyed over horse poop.

Well, not over horsepoop but over the kindness of the folks who are giving me a bunch of already well-composted horsepoop. A woman with whom I've exchanged lots of different things on Freecycle has a horse farm, and I had planned on going to her house this weekend to pick up as much well-composted horsepoop as I could get, in order to start working it into the garden beds that I plan to start preparing for the spring.

Then life exploded: Not only did I find out a week ago that my mom has a "severe bacterial infection consistent with active TB" and has been put on the meds used to treat multiple-drug-resistant TB (even though she's not yet officially diagnosed until they hear back from the CDC), we also got word that V's dad was just put into a nursing home and has been asking for Von, though they've been basically estranged for years. So we're going up there this weekend.

When I told my Freecycle friend that I wouldn't be able to pick up the composted manure this weekend, she and her husband offered to bag it up and deliver it for me. Normally I'm very reluctant to allow folks to do things for me that I can't necessarily repay in kind, but I'm learning to accept people's kindnesses.

While I'm at it, I want to do a shout-out to Deb, another person I met through Freecycle who is now a friend and neighbor. She is going to take care of our dogs this weekend, and despite being currently unemployed she is adamantly refusing payment.

What someone told me this morning, when I was expressing my discomfort about accepting people's generous offers to help out with things like this, is that I've always been a giver and never want to allow others to give back, but that it's time I learned that "what goes around comes around" applies not only to folks who do ugly things to other people, but to people who frequently try to be there for other people. It really is not comfortable for me, but I guess this is a lesson I should learn. It's humbling, and definitely makes me misty-eyed with thanks.


EGE said...

I'm that way too -- the do-for-others-but-get-uncomfortable-when-they-do-for-you way. But sheesh, sometimes you gotta.

Maybe someday I will, instead of just taking stuff out on the people I love.

Sorry to hear about all the badness. I'm sending mojo.

Dara said...

Ack! Sorry about the 2 tons of LIFE that dumped on you.

About that learning to graciously accept help, it's hard. It has taken me years to be able to get that I was denying other people the honor and privilege (as well as the good feelings that come) of doing something good for someone else when I refused genuine offers of help and that it was selfish of me to behave that way. Duh-HUH? Never thought of it that way before and it opened my eyes a bit.