Saturday, April 14, 2007

A rant about online rudeness and "hotbutton topics"

This isn't about anyone who has left comments on my blog, or anyone from the houseblogger.com or house blogroll community (so far you've all proven to be an absolutely wonderful bunch!!), but it is directed to and focused on the behavior of a couple of folks from another house-related online message board. And warning: There be strong language ahead.

Dear Mr. and Ms. "Can't Say Anything Nice:"

Just because you are closed minded power-mongering idiots clearly have some measure of discomfort with the day to day realities of some other members lives doesn't give you the right to be assholes openly hostile.

Just because someone posts "So, anyone doing anything for Passover?" doesn't mean that it's an "inappropriate off-topic religious discussion" any more than the long and fun threads about "What are you doing for Christmas" or "Show us your Christmas decorations!" threads were about religion - they were all simply about home, family, and community. So, Ms. Nutcase, just back off on your hostile messages slamming folks for not doing it "right" according to strict Orthodox Jewish law (and getting it wrong, since you're not even Jewish, to boot - and hey, I'm not a strict Orthodox Jew!). And Mr. Bigot, it's also not appropriate to write a long rant about how dare the original poster indicate any displeasure with the attacks because "if you're going to post about clearly hot-button topics, then you can't be so thin skinned when someone disagrees with you." So, was is some non-Jewish folks great and respectful questions about Passover and seders or the presentation I made to my granddaughter's class about Passover that was the "hotbutton topic"?!?

And, Mr. Bigot, if someone posts that they might lose their home because their legal immigrant but non-citizen husband has been arrested because he supposedly checked "citizen" on a job application several years ago (and didn't even get the job), the appropriate response is NOT to rant about how illegal immigrants and people who choose to not become citizens have no right to complain when their basic civil rights are violated, and to imply in every post you made that her husband was in fact here illegally, and that if he didn't choose to become a citizen then he deserves this treatment. The rest of the community was giving her support; you gave her nothing but shit, and now she's gone.

And finally -- oh, look, kids, it's Mr. Bigot again!! -- me and other LGBT folks in the community mentioning our partners in just the same way as other straightfolk mention their domestic partners or spouses doesn't mean that we're discussing yet another "hotbutton topic" of gay marriage. Oh, wait, you haven't attacked on that issue yet, though you've certainly mentioned it as one of the "if you talk about one of these things you'd better be prepared to have folks disagree with you" topics that we're not supposed to mention, so I'm guessing it's only a matter of time. Part of me wants to go to Mass or Canada or Spain or South Africa and get legally married there, or even just move forward the wedding we plan just for the blessings from God and our family and friends (ok, and for the dancing and party and chance to wear a pretty dress, too!), just so that I can announce it on the board the same way that other folks have announced their marriages, and then sit back and smile as I imagine your head exploding all over your new drywall.

Bottom line: People's everyday lives aren't subjects for debate or your hostile criticism. If you don't like the brand of tools I buy or how I'm going to run the wiring in my basement, then by all means disagree with me. But otherwise, if you simply don't like how others are living their everyday lives, then just keep your mouth shut.

End rant. Whew.

13 comments:

Billie said...

I'm glad you got that off your chest.
:-)

Chaz said...

Well, if those "people" can't say something constructive they oughtn't to say anything at all. You ought to post it over there and tell like it is, you can't be the only one who thinks that way.

Georgetown House said...

Billie, actually, so am I - it's been boiling up in me for too long.

Chaz, folks have been trying to say that ("if you can't say something constructive, don't say anything at all") for a long while with no effect on the two folks I'm referencing. That community is an absoutely wonderful group overall, and the site is one of the best resources out there, but if I were to post there what I just wrote here, it would be deleted by the admins - even if the comments I'm ranting about are left in place. That's actually totally ok with me, because it's damned hard to keep a reign on an open, public community and I respect that - I can understand the need for the online equivalent of "take it outside" when conflicts arise. So that's what I did.

EGE said...

Sheesh, I didn't realize what a shitstorm I was stepping into when you commented on my blog last night and I said what I did about moving to Massachusetts -- I'm glad came down on your good side! What is this "other house-related website"? Because of course now I have to go read the ugly talk and get all riled up...

Georgetown House said...

Awww ege, I promise, it's mostly "good side" for me (well, ok, Von might have some things to say about that when I'm in the midst of menopausal hormonal madness, but that's different ::grin::). I just have my melting point when it comes to people acting like hateful jerks.

And I very much don't want to name the community, at least not linked to this rant. It really is an awesome community that I enjoy and I get a lot out of being there - I learn a lot, get many great ideas, and enjoy "hanging out" with other folks who are house obsessed. The specific folks I'm ranting about are totally not representative of the community as a whole. You might, at some later time, notice me mentioning another house-related community with great fondness; chances are that will be it.

Todd said...

Sorry to hear you're having a bad experience with another community. I hope your readers know it's not from my home improvement blogroll.

I get stupid comments from folks occasionally as well and I finally had to put moderation on my blog so I could weed out the rambling idiots.

Georgetown House said...

Todd, it's most definitely not from anyone in the houseblogs.com community or from the blogroll, and it's not even messages being left on my blog -- it's an online forum/message board. I'll be glad to do a quick edit of my post to make that abundantly clear! I've been lucky so far that no one has spammed this blog, but I'm sure that it's only a matter of time.

Chaz said...

I have seen at least one of the jack-asses at work in the site in question, and I can assure the readers that they deserve whatever reaming someone were to administer to them.

I'd like to shake the stuffing out of some people-going after someone because they act like a jackanape is one thing, but if you don't have to live with them why the hell sould you care what they do back of closed doors?

Chaz said...

BTW, how is the great trim commisioning of aught-seven doing? Is it stuff that'll work in there?

Georgetown House said...

Chaz, thanks :-)

As for "the great trim commisioning of aught-seven," the trim I was gifted with is going to look great in here. Once I have some time to actually do something with it, I'll need to figure out where it will best fit - I'm hoping I'll have enough to do the living/dining rooms, but I'm not yet certain there will be enough. Otherwise we'll likely use it in the master bedroom.

mindy said...

I say we start a houseblogger army of love. Get all Care Bear on said persons a**, show up at their houses and just start hugging the crap out of them until they realize that differences are a good thing.

If that doesn't work, we can always start flooding their blogs with poems about kittens and rainbows.

Frustrating close-minded people are everywhere, but at least you have a place to vent about them!

the reluctant remodeler said...

Oh dear. I'm behind on my reading and just saw this. What a bunch of jackasses. Sorry you had to endure it.

rr

sarah said...

hey, its that unfortunate person who is married to that handsome chilean. haven't been back to the aforementioned site except to "lurk" but glad to see that i can cuddle up here once in a while. things are going okay on the legal front, and it looks like we may be able to hang on to the "wayward girl" our 188? italianate for themeantime. trial date is still set for early june, and i am both apprehensive and aggressively anticipating the confrontation. hope things are going to settle down on the hvac trouble soon, and LOVE THAT NEW PUG..... bless you.